Hoarder

Nov 12, 2011 Begin the Rant    Bad website filed under: Duds, IEDs

Web Bombs Bad Website: arngren.net

This site will go down in history as the WORST ecommerce website known to mankind. Your grandkids will remember arngren.net as the site that changed everything for the worse. It doesn’t matter at all that I can’t read it. I get it one way or another. What I get here is that this is just a dumping ground for junk. I have visions, not of a massive warehouse, but of a mildewed basement full of swap-meet garbage and eBay “wins.” This is the shopping page of a hoarder! Just an explosion of random stuff. Doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason. There should be an animated clutter of cats wandering around the products to round out the picture. This first page is nuts the rest don’t get much better! The eyes don’t know what to focus on. On the one hand, the dude is selling a bunch of toys and gadgets and whatnot, with a jolly Santa animated gif halfway down the page reminding us it’s getting close to Christmas. Fair enough, even though it’s tacky and silly. Now WAIT A MINUTE! What’s this? On the right hand side… Is that… A woman taking off her bra? This just got weird! Now, that vision of the basement full of junk has a sinister twist, and I can imagine an S&M dungeon with wrist straps and spreader bars bolted to the walls, and is that something besides the smell of mildew in the air? I’m gonna stop with that vision before I puke.

New vision: this is more like a clearance bin at a dollar store. Of course, the prices aren’t as low, but you know how they always just dump that stuff in a bin and let YOU sort it out? There are people who enjoy shopping like that, and maybe creepy old man Arngren over here was going for that. “You want cheap stuff? Okay, but I’m just gonna dump these pics here and if you dig through and find something you can buy it.” Keeps his costs down, I suppose, to put absolute no thought into organization at all. To be fair, I think at one point he might have tried to organize things, but I guess he just kept dumping stuff on there, prolly broke his nav and tables, and figured it was too much work to fix it. I imagine it just got worse over time.

Speaking of getting worse… So, I figured I would click around a bit, maybe try to buy something and see what was going on with other parts of the site. Man, that was a bad idea. My already low opinion of this site just dropped through the floor. I thought I had made a mistake. Where was the shopping cart? I tried to blindly click a couple things to see if I had clicked the wrong spot and still needed to find the cart. I gave up after a minute and let Google Translate help me out. What I found blew my mind. You can’t actually buy anything directly, you have to mail your money and then go pick it up or have it sent. As in, he scanned in some bad photocopies of some forms in German, and you would maybe print these and fill them out? Who would actually DO this? Does he not realize that you can buy things online on, say Amazon? Or really any other ecommerce site? Ever? It’s not like he has something exclusive on the site. There is simply NO WAY he’s making money off this site. That being said, there is no point for it to exist. One other thing Google Translate showed me-and I’m not sure if this is a mistake-is that his store is listed as Arngren’s Storage Store on one of the pages. Now I’m thinking this is like Storage Wars in Germany on crack! That would explain the hoarder/clearance bin sensibilities.

While bearing the dubious distinction of being the worst online shopping experience I can imagine, I have to hand it to Arngren for painting such a vivid picture of his shop and making his personality shine right on through, even though I feel like I desperately need to take a shower now…

http://arngren.net/

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